NEGOTIATING WITHIN

People can find themselves in conflict with family, neighbours, friends, colleagues, or with those attempting to help. This is often because each person needs some connection to others, and also to have freedom to explore - even 'to do nothing'.

Instead of thinking you failed or are lacking in some way, work on what you can do. Sometimes people go missing from home or become homeless, because they feel the pressures around them are just too great.

This happens to people of all ages, see more on the Doc Matrix site at http://trubbles.angelfire.com where there are reading lists, information on scams, on groups of various kinds and how they affect us, on cults, and on ordinary pressures that encourage us conform.

'To thine own self be true' - Know who you are, what your needs are, and importantly where your boundaries need to be at the time.

You may feel unable to approach anyone over what troubles you, but there could be things that can be handled or negotiated 'within' if you allow yourself time and space. See the Measures Page for links and concepts for times when the chips fall down around you. If those ideas don't feel right, they may jumpstart some that suit you more. Sleep on an idea, take a walk or bus-ride, play a game.

Choose images or an object, a poster, tune or cartoon, to help in your quest. Everyone has their way of coping with life and the people they mix with. Often people find that simply writing things down helps to clarify a situation. If it's hard to approach someone, as a first step print off a page from a book or the Internet, to mail or hand over to them. Or ask someone else to do it for you.

Complete agreement with another person may not be viable. If pressures seem insurmountable for quite a while, remember that situations can and do change! Get help or support if possible, even for a small part.

People need to accept their own limitations and the constraints of a situation, mediating or negotiating within themselves to proceed.

Parties can seek information or advice from anyone qualified or suitable to provide it, which may include formal mediation, advocacy or legal advice, support through befriending, or someone beside you when you raise an issue with someone.

Bear in mind that experts don't always agree! It's wise to make up your own mind and not let people persuade you too much. You are the person who sticks around for the outcome.

In today's hustle and bustle, with instant communication interrupting our lives, it is hard to be consistent. In fact humans are not very consistent at all. Different moods, different company, different settings, different needs etc. compete with each other for first place. Who can possibly know which will come to the fore?

It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, or that you should accept some label, or an imposition to be different in any way from how you are. So, please, do question anyone who tries to do that.

Sometimes people like to impress others with how knowledgeable they are over what happens to you, and what they can do. You don't need anyone who makes things worse! No-one deserves that, and it takes some unravelling.

More on Mediation is HERE